Moving on by accepting reality

Anyone can write, anyone can create, can express their own ideas and opinions but its so much harder when your trying to be brutally honest.

I have not been able to post for several months, ive had lots of ideas and drafts but none have been completed, my hope is that these can be used in the future but for now i have to write my truth. In doing so i can learn to live with my reality and blossom into a blogger superemo!

So my heart is racing right now, this is scary, i have written a letter to myself so sorry if it gets difficult to read.

Dear A,

What happened ? When did you decide not to love yourself? When did you think you're just not worth it anymore? When did you realise it was better to feel nothing rather than something?

I know i have asked you this before but your answers have been silent. For so long now you have accepted what your depression and anxiety dictates, you even use it to scorn yourself. Can you not remember the brilliance that lies beneath?

Let me remind you later, for now we need to discuss the negative, dispel it, render it pointless, what are you gaining by thinking and acting poorly to yourself? I can understand you are frustrated by your actions, so am I, you shouldnt be eating and drinking what ever you like, you shouldnt be hiding away, you shouldnt be lying and being irresponsible but you also shouldnt be pretending that the above isnt true. If you do not accept your reality, how can you change to make it better?

Maybe the biggest question is, if you do not accept who you are, how can you know what to change? If i am honest, I deny our weeknesses too but I know we are not at fault for most. We did not ask to be depressed, anxious, troubled, that is the hand we were dealt, we cant change that. But Alex, we can change our response, we can fight, you cannot just accept your state of unhappiness as your life, it isnt who are , its an illness, dont let it define you.

It is easier to accept it instead of fighting but i know  you what more from life, i know you do so please start to live it again.

You are not pathetic, useless, ugly etc, i know your fighting that statement but really your fighting the hard work and self understanding you need to change. Do the hard work, in the long run it will be worth it. Think back before you accepted help, where you were, how desperate your life had become but now you are stable, now you can work on being the better version of yourself.

So please, accept the future, dont hide from it, it can be filled with what you dream off, you just need to work for it, it wont happen by itself. Remember that others see you differently, they dont see the bad mostly, they see what light you bring to their life. Hold on to that and dont give up x

So i will leave you with this thought, and i will be checking up, stay strong and be amazing x

So yeah, that was the letter i wrote, that is the internal battle i face daily, that is mental health, but you know what, i am stronger than mental health and i will  be happy sometime in the future, promise!
I am scared, at times alone, i am hurt but this can change, it will right?

p.s anyone can write, even me!